Resolution Revamp - Creating Goals that Last

For those whose New Years Resolutions included the words: Stop, Quit, Lose, Cut or Get Rid

   Take a step back from those New Years Resolutions and pause for just a moment. I know many of you have probably spent the last week or month contemplating what your New Years Resolutions are going to be and probably pin pointed the exact process of how you are going to achieve them. I am sure for the last few days you have stayed the course and are feeling optimistic but is your resolution really focused on what your looking to change? Is your resolution causing you to to look at yourself as a project instead of a whole person?

    Many people are setting goals that do not create lasting change because they are focused on the wrong thing. For many the resolution process starts with the realization that last years resolution was not achieved, followed by moments of personal berating and then a firm resolve to do it all over again to prove their will power does exist. Many of these failed resolutions start off  including the words lose, stop, fit, quit, cut or get rid of and often times are cover ups for what we really want. The result is the creation of a resolution that reminds us we didn't add up last year, are not yet good enough this year and on the off chance the goal is met, that we were once something less than extraordinary. Does this sound familiar?

 In a research study done in 2007 by Richard Wiseman from the University of Britol they found of  3,000 participants who set New Years Resolutions 88% failed to achieve them. That is 2,340 people who concluded the year by realizing they failed,  beat themselves up and then resolved to do better the next year by basing their new New Years Resolution on what they did not accomplish the last year. There is a problem with this whole New Years Resolution business and I think it is time for a change.

   Much of the problem lays in the way we create our goals and the self talk that goes along with them. What we say affects what we do and what we do effects the way we live. Our language and self talk will put us on a course to find success or dwindle in defeat, the choice is ours. Wouldn't it be wise to start the year off empowering ourselves rather than beating ourselves down with self defeating talk? Our goals should be about what we want to add to our lives, our live through this become more fulfilled and create more positive opportunities for change. Focusing on what we want to lose and cut from our lives is bound to leave a void and leave us with less than what we started with.

    So this year instead of creating resolutions focused on limitations lets look for a way to empower ourselves to create lasting change. Lets look for a way to embody our goals while allowing continuous appreciation and progression of the person as a whole rather than reducing ourselves to insufficient parts. Let me introduce to you the Declarative Goal Series! Over the next week I will be introducing one of the four parts of the declarative goal process. Each part can stand on its own as a trans-formative tool to help you reach your goal but added together they create a powerful combination.

 A Declarative Goal is broken down into four main parts Gain Centered Goal Setting, Declaration, Action and Grateful Reflection. this post will be focused on creating Gain Centered Goals.

Gain Centered Goals

   Gain Centered Goals allow for the creation of goals focused on what our lives will gain by hitting goals rather than what is lost. The focus is not on the loss of a habit/thing but rather what is gained by the loss of the habit/thing. For example if  your resolution was to stop smoking you would ask yourself why you wanting to quit smoking. The reason why you want to quit smoking is your Gain Centered Goal. This not only cuts to the core of why you are doing something but it also opens up other avenues to achieve the same goal rather than just focusing on one thing. When people start seeing success in their lives they feel more invested and further commit to their success. So allowing more than one way to meet goals ultimately increases the chances of success. Below is another example of how to change your current Loss Centered Goals into Gain Centered Goals.

Example Goal: 

The Loss- Lose weight and fit into smaller size
Now ask why you want to lose weight and fit into a smaller size
The Gain- I would like to have more self confidence & feel comfortable in my own skin.
The answer you gave above is now your new goal. 

Now that you have established your Gain Centered Goals ask yourself what avenues could you take to achieve it. You should be able to come up with multiple ways to achieve your goal now that you are focusing on the gain.

How to accomplish this goal: Lose weight  (not what we are looking for, remember we are focusing on things to gain in life not things to lose), become more active, look for clothes that are good for my body type, start appreciating how I look today, participate in events that boost my self confidence and cultivate new talents, eat foods that make me feel good and not sluggish, listen to my body, stop eating in front of the television  --- rephrase into a "Gain" statement ---> Create an environment where I can eat and focus on my bodies needs.

Implementation: Now you can get started on actively pursuing and achieving your goals. The great thing about this is you have options. If some days you are not feeling like focusing on one way to accomplish your goal look for a different way to achieve it. Now that there is not the focus on losing losing something in our lives, we are creating lives full of great things that better our lives. By the end of the year you may not have lost something but you have gained what you were really looking for.

    Our lives are more than being attached to a number or the idea that we are less than a great because of a habit. Our lives and goals should be aimed towards the fulfillment of ourselves as whole person rather than the individual sum of parts. We are looking for fulfillment in our lives, connection, relationships, self identification and satisfaction. If we stop looking for fulfillment in the loses of life we will gain new perspective that allow us to thrive instead of diminish. So take some time and revamp those goals focused on loss and look for what is to be gained.